amoying: amoying: what did one corn kernel say to the other kernel? what’s poppin?
vriksaserket: vriksaserket: i changed the settings on my moms phone so that when she types my name it changes to ‘my favorite child’ and when she types a swear, it changes it to something more family friendly
vwvillgraham: iusedtobethefire: katnisstiel: yesbecausereasons: real—not—real: real—not—real: assckles: assckles: I want to take a dollar bill and write “are you Misha Collins” on it and maybe one day it’ll end up in his hands and he’d be the one mind fucked for once the journey has begun… DOING THIS ON EVERY DOLLAR I COME ACROSS Like I said fandom will take over...
sorryforpartybarackin: im no cactus expert, but i know a prick when i see one
forsciencejohn: dirtydaryldixon: better start preparing for the season finale now. it doesn’t even matter what show this is for
psilentasincjelli: If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and...
tardisheart: DO YOU EVER WANNA TALK ABOUT A THING SO MUCH YOU’RE GONNA EXPLODE BUT NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THE THING SO YOU CAN’T AND JUST WOW! LET! ME! TALK! ABOUT! THE! THING!
amoying: darrynek: rneerkat: if somebody invented a shirt with a giant pocket in the front they would be millionaires because who wouldnt want to feel like a kangaroo science is upon us more than ever
scout-ebubbles: docot: freddybenson: leovaldezstyle: freddybenson: A B C the brazilian wandering spider’s venom can give you an erection lasting for hours D
white dad in any movie: but son, you're throwing away your DREAM
white son in any movie: no dad, I'm throwing away ~yours~
me: whoa it sure is late, time to go to be-
me: is that a 30,000 word fanfic
zackisontumblr: so this blog just started following me
biologytextbook: *presses clear button on calculator 12 times*
sfux: i feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together.
genocidercyo: clockey: you’re the window to my wall you’re the sweat that drips down my balls
awkwardvagina: have you ever just cried because you’re you
whyamisorandom: can i try a 30 day free trial of being famous
pizzaforpresident: if i was trapped inside a room filled with explosives and the only way out was to eat a whole tomato i would die
How rape trials should go?
Lawyer: Did he rape her?
Witness: Yes, but she was drunk and passed out.
Lawyer: That's not what I asked. Did he rape her?
Witness: Yes, but she was wearin-
Lawyer: I didn't ask what she was wearing. Did he rape her?
Witness: Yes, but-
Lawyer: I didn't ask anything else. It's just a simple yes or no answer. Did he rape her?
Laywer: Yes, he raped her.
Rape is rape is rape, no matter the context.
dayandnightitsjustlife: the bottom of you hair was once at the top of your head
jumbaco: if you didnt have an avril lavigne phase youre a liar
greysatin: SOMETIMES I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR SO I JUST STAND THERE STARING AT MY CLOTHES LIKE THEY’RE GOING TO PICK THEMSELVES OUT